QUOTES riiight!!!

"Hello! Nadia, tell the genius, The King Of All Media, who has a hundred million dollars in the bank, how I tantilize!, & titilate! and transfix! the entire upper eastside of hot yuppy chicks! they are salivating! and palficating!"

"Thats what I love about Howard, his great spontanaety! Stern the genius, the financial genius, Nadia, he can make a show, that nobody else can do in the world, thats why he has a hundred million dollars! he's got a 10th of a billion dollars! and you know what he has also? he has a listening audience of 100 million people, because he's scientifically brilliant!! the man is brilliant!!"

"So the market is this here, the market is for all of the sexually repressed, sexually oppressed, sexually inhibited, sexually defected, sexually dead people out there, they're now going to learn and understand, what a kinky, funky, raunchy, freaky, freaky, taboo, triple, X, rated, sexual, relationship, with the hottest chick alive Violet Mariva is all about"

"And I just wanna tell you something I think it's horrendous, horrific, unconscionable, ungodly, and unconstitutional, hello? right? that they're trying to stop you the genius..."

Elliot (showing still photos from DVD): "we have another one here where, Violet, Maliver has again, degraded, and dehumanized, and feminized elegant elliot offen, by roping up [dump button] ok, alright"
Howard: "ok so she takes your testes, and ties them up with a rope"
Elliot: "right tied em up tight!!"

"First of all, I'm Elegant Elliot Offen, it will loosen them up, number 1. Number 2, I'm Elegant Elliot Offen, I've been in lingerie, running 15 miles a day, high voltage, high power, high caliber, defying the world, unscathed riiight? unscathed, for 20 years, and because I'm a prime time celebrity they're gonna want to know about everything I'm doing"

"you look like carpoces, sarcoma and squamis cell, carsanoma, thats cancer of the cervix!!"

"and before we disembody him, what we have to do with the terrorist, we have to give him, some intravenous, medication, electric shock treatment, solitary confinement, and death by tortue instantaneously"

"just because you have a malignent, and metastasizing tumor in parasagatese part of your brain, thats no reason to condemn elliot offen!"

"no i'm not fit, I only look like 16 million dollars of profound phsyical fitness!!"

"I left her stranded at Jet Blue Airplanes, on uhh Jet Blue Airlines, at Kennedy Airport, she was never able to find me again, because she said something I didn't like, I taught her a psychological lesson, because I am the master of psychologic, and sexual, manipulation!!"

"you look like you blew up like a balloon! you grew up on a balloon, you like like you blew up like a balloon! you're the riff-raff lugaroo! you're a zombie! you're a zombie! lugaroo werewolf! you're a werewolf zombie! you're a zombie werewolf! you're a zombie werewolf! werewolf you're a zombie! I don't wanna wear mens clothes I wanna wear chicks clothes!"

"its always great to see the genius, the unparralleled, unadulterated. undeniable, unequivical, finacial genius, who has 100 million dollars in the bank, with a 100 million listening audience, happy anniversary howard."

"its so great to see my dearest friend, and one of the classiest gentlemen that i've had the pleasure of meeting KC Armstrong is right next to me on my left, KC Armstrong one of my great umm fans, and a fine gentleman and umm a person of impeccable integrity"

"I'm gonna make this short and sweet, dont interupt me please, this is going to take a few minutes... well why don't I just walk the fuck out riight? okay so thats it, you stand there holding your cock riiight. let me get through what I got to get through riiiight"

"Alright just leave the fuckin joint, a few more words and we're all over right? heres the issue, the issue is this, like, number 1, I wanna find out, I have a question, I wanna find out riiight... why... you were married to this wonderful girl Allison, she booted you in the fuckin hole, and she threw you out of the, shut your cunt face ok?, she threw you out of the house, out of your own house, uhmmm, Clear Channels booted you off the fuckin air, they took your contract away from K-Rock, they took you off saturday night television, Les Moonves has a $500 million dollar litigation, hes gonna take all your money for grand larceny and mis-appropriation of funds.. okay, the question is, you know because I like you as a human being, what the fuck is going on with you? you're getting one shot in the mouth after the other, next thing your gonna be in a nursing home, next thing your gonna be in a nursing home!!! right, you're gonna be dead before you're 60 right!!! you're dead before your 60, thats all i wanted to fucking say riiiight!!!?"

"CRYSTAL... FROM NAMBI!!! AND FROM MARANO!! AND FROM COSTA BOTA!!!"

"THIS IS ELEGANT ELLIOT OFFEN, I'M SO THRILLED TO BE HERE, HEALTHY, ALIVE, IN THIS LUXURIOUS RIVER TERRACE!!!!"

"WHAT A GREAT LOW ANGLE CAMERA SHOT... INTO ELEGANT'S GENATALIAR AND INTO APRILS PUSSY!!"

"I TOOK APRYL OFF THE STAGE AND WE FROZE IT!!"

"LOOK AT THE HIP MOVEMENT OF ELLIOT OFFEN.. THERES CHICKS THAT WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THAT"

"HOW ABOUT THE CONSPICUOUS! AND UNADULTERATED BEAUTY OF BOTH JENNAR AND FRANCHESCAR!?"

"HERE I HAVE, FRANCHESCA BY THE HAIR.. THERES NOTHING MORE THAT I LIKE THAN DANCING WITH A GIRL THAT WORKS UP A SWEAT!! THATS THE WAY YOU GET THE FRESH SCENT OF HER CUNT!!!"

"NOW RIGHT HERE I'M GOING TO GO INTO MY LONG STRIDE MY ANTELOPE AND GAZELLE STRIDE THATS MY HIGH POWERED HIGH CALIBER, RUNNING STRIDE!!!"

"CHECK OUT THESE LATERAL LATINO STEPS!!"

"LOOK AT ELLIOT OFFEN IN ALL MY GLORY I HAVE THE WORLD BY THE COCK!!!"

"NOW I HAVE SPILLED THE BEANS OF NADIA TALBY.. AND I SAY, TO THE HYSTERECOMY VICTIM NADIA TALBY... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!!!!"

"I GOT TESTIMONIALS FROM STEVE PLYMM WHO SAID MY VIDEO IS LIKE A FUCKIN CAR ACCIDENT!!
SCREW MAGAZINE SAID IT WILL SEND SHIVERS UP YOUR FUCKIN BUTTHOLE!!
AND THE FINANCIAL WIZARD JOHNNY FRATTO!! JOHNNY FRATTO!! THE FINANCIAL PROFESSOR, SAID THAT ELEGANTS DVD IS VERY DISTURBING! ITS VERY DISTURBING!!"

"I'M GONNA SPRAY LYSOL IN YOUR FUCKIN EYES GARY!!! WELL SHOW ME YOUR FUCKIN MUG I'M GONNA SQUIRT SOME FUCKIN TURPENTINE IN YOUR EYES!!! I'M GONNA SQUIRT SOME FUC... GANGSTER STYLE RIIIIIIGHT!!! THEN I'M GONNA THROW SOME FUCKIN ACID IN YOUR EYES MOBSTER STYLE RIIIIGHT!!! UNDERWORLD STYLE RIIIIIGHT!!!"

"SO SHE SAYS I MOLESTED HER, SO HERE'S WHAT I WANNA DO... I JUST WANT THE PUCILANIMOUS!! PERDICULOSIS PREVARICATOR! TO COME UP HERE! AND TO GIVE A ELOQUENTY LITIGATION ABOUT HOW I MOLESTED HER! AND HOW I BEAT HER UP!! BECAUSE SHE GAVE OUT INFORMATION THAT WAS SPURIOUS TO THE WORLD!!"

"I AM A GENTLEMAN, UNTIL I LOOKED AT HER MOROSE AND DILUTED EYEBALLS!! THEN I SUDDENLY WASNT A GENTLEMAN RIGHT NOW!!"

"WHEN I LISTEN OT THE SCUM OF THE EARTH I;M NOT A GENTLEMAN!! STOP SCREAMING SCUM OF THE EARTH!!!!"

"WHAT IS THIS PERSONS NAME OVER HERE? THE ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE HES DYING OF THE AQUIRED IMMUNE DEFFIECIENCY SYNDROME! WHAT IS HIS NAME!!! THE ACQUIRED IMMUNE DEFFIECIENCY SYNDROME BIG TIME!!!!!!"

"SOME CONTAMNENTS AND CARCINOGENS IN YOUR FOOD VARIETY RIIIGHT? SOME CONTAMNENTS AND CARCINOGENS... RIIIGHT"

"GIRLS FRILLY LACE NYLON G-STRING LINGERIE, THE SAME WAY THAT ELEGANT ELLIOT OFFEN IS IN FRONT OF THE WORLD, WITH MY ACT OF DEFIANCE, ARROGANCE AND INTRANSIGENCE THAT I'M GOING THROUGH THE WHOLE WORLD TO GET WHAT I WANT!"